The Observer: Escape
February 06 2005

Band on the Rum
By Richard Neill

Richard Neill ditched his job for Cuba, determined to join a band. The snag: he couldn't play an instrument. In this extract from his new book, he reveals how his teacher made a performer of him

The lights at the Palacio de la Salsa in Havana went down and the band took to the stage. The ringleader was a tall black guy with a huge, luxuriant moustache and a white Stetson on his bandanna-covered head. His shirt was unbuttoned to the navel and his trousers were tight enough to show everyone on which side he preferred to dress. By the end of the first song, I had been transported to a place 1 didn't recognise. The band played for almost three hours and by the time we got to the encores, I was so totally under the music's spell that Fidel himself could have shimmied past me in a shell suit and I wouldn't have blinked.

Until that night at the Palacio, salsa hadn't meant an awful lot to me. That all changed with Los Van Van: 15 men armed with an impressive variety of weapons of mass movement. I counted trombones, flute, maracas, electric bass, guitar, bongos, and an array ofother percussive hardware I had never seen before. Against such an arsenal of rhythm, resistance was futile. It was the winter of 1996, and I was on a holiday to Cuba, taking a break from the rigours of being a wine correspondent. I chose Cuba because the air tickets were cheap and everyone was saying you had to get there before Castro died. My knowledge of the country was as flimsy as my reasons for visiting. When the house lights came on again, I was overcome by an extraordinarily strong conviction. 'One day,' I promised myself, 'I will be the man who throws his bandanna into the crowd.'

It took a further four years before I plucked up the courage to leave my job, buy a double bass and get back on a plane to Cuba. My first priority was to find a teacher, and the logical place to start this quest, was the legendary Casa de la Trova, the most famous man was putting a padlock around the neck of a battered-looking bass. He was wearing a black Guinness cap back to front so the words 'Good for You' filled his forehead. This was the musicians' warm-up area. There was a fading rota on the wall, a dirty-looking chilled water container with a plugless wire hanging off one side, a couple of chairs and an old publicity poster for Compay Segundo on one wall. Portrayed in black and white, the scene would probably have taken on a moody poignancy - a perfect CD cover for another Cuban All-Stars spin-off'. Live and in colour, it just seemed rather sad. As I guessed, the man in the cap was the person I was meant to meet. 'Soy Pastor Panes,' he beamed and informed me he was the bassist and director of a band called Sones de Oriente. Pastor was as dark as the drink advertised on his cap. He had a small head of bowling-ball round-ness, an infectious grin, bloodshot, puckish eyes, and an endearing habit of biting his bottom lip when he was thinking. His hands were shockingly ugly. Short, stubby fingers, bits of peeling skin everywhere, visibly calloused tips, and nails beyond the skills of even the most talented manicurist. We sat down to talk. Either as a response to my undisguised interest in digital detail, or perhaps as a welcoming ritual for arriving bassists, he asked me to show him my hands. 'Let's have a look at your fingers,' he chuckled with obvious relish. I hesitantly put them forward for inspection, palms face down in a pathetic attempt to face tlie truth. Turning them over, he gave the fingertips the briefest of touch-tests and instantly let out the sort of high-pitched snort of astonishment I imagine a rugby coach would make if he discovered his prop has just asked for moisturizing cream.

Cuba Cactus Language (0845 130 4775; www.cactuslanguage.com) runs courses in Havana, Trinidad and Santiago. The focus is mainly on learning Spanish but lessons in guitar, percussion or dance are also included in the price of £379 per week for Havana and Trinidad and £329 per week in Santiago. Also included in the price is half-board home stay accommodation. Flights to Cuba are extra.